So what is joy?

If you look up the definition of joy in the Webster's Dictionary online you get this

1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss
3 : a source or cause of delight

So what does it mean to have joy in ones life? Does it mean that you are always happy? Does it mean that nothing bad ever happens to you? I think not, rather I think that it must mean how one perceives to look at their life. Will we see only the bad things that have happened? Or will we chose a different route and see the good that has come from those things? As well as enjoy the every day things that make our life happy to begin with.

I am deciding to choose the latter. I wish to know what it is to have a day of joy, everyday. I have surrounded myself with those people that chose to be negative and do not look for the joy in the things around them, but instead look for ways to hide and ignore what is going on. Yes we have some bad days around here, but so does everyone else. So what makes those people that are happy, well happy? Or for that matter what makes those people that are successful, successful? The answer is they do. They make choices. If they do not like the out come they make a different choice till it works for them. I know it sounds so simple in just a few lines. If you want to be happy, then be happy.

Truly I am not deluded into thinking that it is just that simple. Well,it maybe, but most of us have to over come how we think. That is often times where I get stuck. I get that well if he would of only, or it's just that, this is so hard. And then all the little ugly things that I have let invade my mind over the years surface and I start to hear things like, "you just don't deserve to be happy, no body wants you, you are just a screw up, etc, etc." I am sure you know what I am talking about. Most people call them insecurities. I call them my the bad tapes. The ones where you can just hear so and so telling you how awful you are, or that you will never have that. The ones that you start to believe when obstacles come your way. Well the time to get over that is now.

I have to admit this is going to be a rough experiment for me. I have had these tapes now for 36 years. I don't count the first year. You are just starting to grasp the language at that point, but every year after that. Some things are things that you got from family or friends, they may have even meant well or were just having a bad day, but if it was something they told you often it probably stuck. Then there are the horrible things you have told yourself that are not true or that you believe, but do not have an honest picture of how it really is. So now it is time to break them, it is going to take time, and this is not the first time I have attempted to break those tapes, I have been working on that for years. However I had quit a few really bad ones and I am just getting to the point that when I hear that thought coming on, I can say,"you know what, that just really is not true. It is not true now and it was not true then."

So why am I posting about all this. Well I figure if I need to do this, then chances are there maybe someone else out there that needs to do this to. Maybe they don't have the same tools and tricks I have. Or maybe then have something I have missed. This gives others a chance to see that they are not the only ones that struggle, but to also so that struggle is not all that we have to endure. We can have more. I will have more, more joy, more happiness, more self love, and more respect for the person I want to be. That also means letting those I love know my intentions and letting them know (politely) that if they do things that make me unhappy, I will not be afraid to say so and take actions to change it.

I am 37 years young. I am a mother of special needs twins (they were born preterm). I am 31 weeks pregnant right now with my next child. This time I made it to my third trimester. I have a loving husband. Yes he can be frustrating, but what partner cannot. I am a daughter and daughter-in-law. And I am very over weight. It is time to take these good things and make them better. And it is time to take the bad things out and find other ways to deal with them. The beauty of this statement is that not everyone that reads it would know which of those things are bad or cause me to feel inadequate and insecure. So just know that all these aspects need to have changes occur.

I love my family. I finally love myself. I see something here that is worth more than the value I have put on it and in turn worth more than the value I have taught others to put on me. It is time to change these things as well as how I view my life. So the experiment will be to see how I can change my thoughts. How much time will I spend trying to get others to see my worth? And when will I start going for the things that I so desire and make everyone accountable for the time they take and and the lack of value they deem on my worth, my time and my emotional well being.

I do believe that we are worth something. We all have value. We all have strengths. We all have something that makes us unique and needed in this world. What is it that makes you a priceless treasure?