Greetings from the Hospital

I am sorry that I have not been posting as regularly as of late. I am in the hospital right now. I have been here for the better part of almost two weeks. I came here the 14th went home on the 19th and was back on the 20th. I have had to miss the twins birthday and have had all kinds of ups and downs. Yet I have not lost my joy in all this. The twins will get to have a birthday party with mommy later. My son is still not here, though the doctors are no longer going to stop labor if he decides it is time. All I need is for him to get his head down. He has to change positions, I do not want a c section.

However during all this time, I have had my faithful and loving husband by my side. Yes he is playing video games on his game boy, but he is here for the contractions and the pain. He is helping me breathe, he is helping me walk, he is helping me do everything. I am very lucky. I am wondering if this one is just making sure he gets all the time he missed helping me the first time, wrapped up in him. Little toot that he is I would just like him to make up his mind and decide whether we are doing this, or if we are going to be going home soon.

My personal opinion is that we could just get this over with. I know I am only 33 weeks and a day, but I have been down that road with the twins and I do not see any complications that could be worse then what they went through. That does not mean I wish to find out, just that from all they can see he is perfect in everyway and should be just fine. He would be a feeder and a grower and might need some flow by oxygen. Now if this offends you I am sorry, I am just tired of the pain of the contractions that I have been having for days. I am tired of driving the two hours back and forth from the hospital and all the doctors. I am tired. I am not complaining. I would endure anything for my children, but I still get to have an opinion of what I would like and how I personally feel.

The joy in all this though is knowing that he is safe, he is growing and he is doing well. I am safe and there are alot people here to make sure that everything stays that way. I also have computer access here. I have someone to be with me and I am not alone. I am not making all the decisions for him this time. I am loved and watched over and protected by those around me. That is a joy that my life has not always known and I will take that for right now. It will be what I use to get through all of this. I am take that joy and know there is greater joy yet to come when I can hold my son and I can hold my twins again. I know the greatest joy and days of all are coming when my little family just spends the next few days that will come after his coming home cocooned in our little nest. All happy and tired and learning to make room for him in our hearts and days.