The Joy Experiment is still in progress!

The Joy Experiment is still in progress. I have not abandoned this project. I have not been posting, but I have been trying new things everyday to make the best of life. Today I had the time to write. And oh do I have so much to write about.

First I find it gratifying to have found the time and to have gotten the kids all doing something. Today is the first day I have had with no major explosions are outburst from the kids. My eldest son stomped away from me one time and had an ugly tone in his voice this morning, but he is getting along really well with his sister today. This is a real treat as his autism usually makes it very difficult for them to be together for more than a few minutes. He always wants to be alone, but in the same room. It drives her crazy. She just wants to be part of his world. She does not get his world. Nor does anyone get hers. She lives in this place where she thinks since she has CP we were all placed here for her services. LOL. Today they are just almost normal.

The baby is taking a nap. It took him a bit to go to sleep and whole lot of convincing. He thinks that daddy is his nappy time sleep spot, but daddy is not home today.

Okay so some of the things that I have been doing to make sure that I have joy in my life every day, are catching up with friends and family through Facebook. I started listening to the music I used to like before I got married. It brings me joy. I cannot tell you the experience I had the first few times I did this. It reminds me how grounded and strong I was. It reminds me that I can get there again. I know you are probably thinking what music does that. Well for me it is the country music. Not all of it, just this very uplifting, down to earth beat that takes me back to the woman I was and always have been.

I have changed so much over the years. That is not bad, but some of the paths that I travel to have the life I have now, do not always keep true to that girl/woman that I was. I liked her. I had to work hard to get to the knowledge and strength and love of self that she had discovered. I am not being untrue to myself or anything; I just make compromises for my family that keeps me from feeling like that a lot of the time.

That being said, I am learning now how to bring that woman back. It is awesome. I think being on bed rest for nearly a year (with my pregnancy with Liam and then the C section), stole part of me, the dealing with the kids and their needs have chipped away, and then comes my love. His intentions are never to hurt me or make me feel less, but often he does when he feels like it is all too much. However, those sound like excuses, I hate excuses. I am taking control of it all again. Some days are better than others. Today is one of those very awesome days.