Cathartic thoughts we should all have some.

This has been an awesome week. I have had such great fun with the music thing I mentioned in my last post. You really do not have any idea how much this had really changed my thinking about myself. I really did not know how great this would be.

I have also had some really break through moments in the last few days. While the music has helped, I have thought about some of the choices that have gotten me to the point that got me to the place that I was. How was it that I got to be at such an unhappy place? Why did I allow my choices to always put my wants further out of reach?

I know that I felt that many of my choices were for the benefit of making my love happy. He does not like some of the things about me, but then they are part of what has made me the women I was. The one he feel in love with, the one he has in the past told me he misses. Well changing those things changed how I felt and thought. I know this now.

So what should I do? The answer is simple, find what it is that I am missing that makes me the woman I love and the one he fell in love with. (I am not saying he does not love me now, he says he loves me more than ever. He just wonders why am not as strong as I used to be.) While making sure to not over do it, I have a tendency to do that. Part of the probable was that while he loved her, he never did understand her.

I started working on this today. I freaked him out. I started working out. Not to mention I sort of demanded that I was going to eat something better for me than what was easy and quick. Not that I made anyone work hard on anything. I had a great salad with the dinner he made. I also helped him make breakfast. It was great. He got frustrated. I kept telling him how to make it. He has been the one make meals for almost the last year with all the things going on. I told him I know, but I want it made the way I want to eat it. I was trying not to be ugly, but still getting things done the way I want. I know he took it as I don’t like what he makes and does. Some things I do not. But that is okay. He has done a hell of a job.

So I am very happy day. The music is playing and I am back to posting and finding time to take care of me and them. It works. It is great. And I am really starting to feel freaking awesome. “H#$@ yay, turn it up.” That is how I feel about my life right now. Turn it up. I love it and this is just how I want to be spending my life!!!!!!! =D